One of Those Days...

Deep post ahead. Very personal. Please be respectful and know that I just need to get this off my chest. More information of my journey in South Africa later; this is what is happening with the introspective journey of my heart.

It's been one of those days where you wake up and you just know it's going to be a bad one. You are in a bad mood and you are tired and stressed and you write run-on sentences. South Africa is great and the people are nice. I love it here. It is fun and exciting and challenging. However, today is just one of those days where you realize that you have four months left and you really miss home. Where you just want to drive twenty minutes and hang out with friends and family for the day and then be able to come back. Today is the day where you start to ponder what's important in life and what do you need to change.

I have been in a relationship with a girl for over a year and a half. We have grown tremendously close since our first date and people have seen this and know that we are. We are close. Very. We help each other deal with issues and problems as well as provide solid entertainment to make each other feel better. She's my companion and my friend. I can depend on her and I have placed a lot of trust in her. Throughout our relationship, we have been working on not just making room for God but letting Him be at the center of it. Which has been and is very difficult to do. I don't think we have that down yet. But we're trying. We haven't had the perfect relationship. I haven't been the best boyfriend. We're not along for the ride and just superficially saying, "I love you." When I say it and when she says it, we mean it. We're trying. That's the best we can do. I'm glad that people talk about us and have been concerned about us when it's been rough. We have a lot of good friends. Things are going really well for us. We are making steps everyday. I am happy with where our relationship is going and I hope you are too.

There are going to be a lot of changes in the next few years. I have to find a place to stay in the winter, learn to pay rent and how to use a credit card, decide what kind of job I want after college and what are the next steps with my relationships. These are all things I'm praying about and giving up to above. God is giving me strength and courage. It may not come in large doses, but it's there and it's ever-present. I just have to trust in Him. I haven't really had the easiest walk with God lately and I need to fix it. I need to fix it before I move forward with anything else.

I know some of you who are reading this aren't religious and I'm sorry if this was weird or if it didn't make sense to you. This is my faith and you have to accept that it is a part of me. I hope you have been able to see this side of me through my actions and words. If you haven't, then I sincerely apologize. This faith is not easy

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll give you more on South Africa tomorrow. As I said before, this is just something I needed to get off my chest so you know where I am in my spiritual and mental journey. I figure this way, I can look back when I am done with my trip and see how far I've gotten. I'm glad I was able to open up with all of you. It has been a while and I need your support. Thank you.